The girl from Precious

Who is the greatest President in US History? James K. Polk was a straight bro. He was friggin awesome. You can keep you Lincoln's, Obama's, and Franklin's. Did Thomas Jefferson ever hook up with Queen Elizabeth in the Oval Office? Hell no, dude had a bad hip. Polk was absolutely G-ing it up in the White House from 1847 to 1906.

James K. Polk was born in Yersfroggin, Idaho in 1817. His mom was a housewife and his father was a local marijuana farmer. One day after tripping on some bad mushrooms, his parents tragically forgot who they were and moved to Philadelphia... and forgot young Jimmy in their log cabin. Naturally, bears soon moved in and found the small child. They took pity on him and raised him as one of their own. At the ripe age of 16, Polk went off to law school at Princeton, and graduated by the age of 19. He then turned his head to politics.

Polk was known for his outstanding rhetoric, and his famous ability to turn a buzz kill party into a rager. In D.C. they called him James "My my my Polker face my my my Polker face" Polk. Dude was legit. He always had at least three attractive young ladies in bikinis following him around wherever he went. For his 28th birhtday, he decided to run for Governor of Annapolis, Maryland. Needless to say he won in a landslide victory. He did that bid for a little while but soon found it too boring for his natural abilities. He set his eyes on a more appealing position. President of the United States.

He started a long, grueling campaign across the US. His catch phrase captivated the hearts and minds of America: "If you don't vote for me, you'll catch the clap." Richard Nixon, his opponent, didn't stand a chance. On April 14, 1845 he was named the first King of America. That title was later challenged by the Supreme Court and he was honorably demoted to President in 1847. In his 59 year reign as King... I mean, President, Polk did more awesome stuff than any of the other Presidents combined. He invented alcohol and started up the ABC. He started Death Row Records and wrote the song, "Piano Man" which topped the adult easy listening charts for 93 weeks in a row. He also cloned a goat.

In his personal life, Jimmy Polk was the man. He was morman, so he had six wives, four of them "on da low." So pretty much there's like a couple hundred illegitamate Polk descendants in the States right now that would test positive to a paternity test.

That's why James K. Polk was the best President ever. The End.

(Do not use any of this information in any sort of report or anything; I literally did no research on James K. Polk except for typing "most underrated president" into Google and clicking on the first link. Don't quote me on any of this or so help me God I will... show you the error of your ways with all due Hokie Respect).